(theme music playing)
NARRATOR: Man lives in the sunlit world
of what he believes to be reality.
But... there is,
unseen by most, an underworld.
A place that is just as real
but not as brightly lit.
A dark side.
(tape rewinding)
(bright, synthesizer-driven pop music playing)
ANNOUNCER (over speaker): Hello, America.
You're listening to Talk Radio 970, T-A-L-K.
(music stops, door closes)
ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate,
on Talk Radio 970, T-A-L-K.
MAN: I give up.
There's a dead guy in my car tonight.
Right inside my parking lot, inside my building,
a dead guy.
Right inside my car, in the front seat,
behind the steering wheel.
You believe that?
Probably some wino or some freak
that OD'd-- I don't know.
Maybe... Maybe they mugged him.
I don't know.
I don't care; that's not the point.
The point is, he's right there, inside my parking lot,
inside my tight-security building.
So, I call the cops.
Right?
A half an hour it takes them to get there.
A half an hour!
I say, "Hey, I'm on the air at 12:00!"
They say they don't care
if I'm going to make the Gettysburg Address.
I say, "I haven't missed a broadcast in 13 years,
"and I'm supposed to miss a broadcast because this wino
"can't find a better place to croak
than behind the front wheel of my car?"
ANNOUNCER: It's time now for Talk Radio
970's Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate.
Idiots-- they're all idiots.
They can't get better jobs, so they become cops.
So, because they're cops, I'm supposed
to kiss their badges?
Hello.
It's midnight again, and this
is Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate,
and I'm on a rampage tonight, so, uh,
if you're calling in, you better think twice.
It's raining here where I am, and I, uh...
I had to walk to the studio tonight,
because they found a dead guy in my car.
Do you believe that?
Now, the cops start to hassle me
because they think I'm the guy who killed this dead guy.
So, now, I'm on a rampage against cops.
Come on, anybody want to talk about cops?
Come on, call in.
I'll tell you what I think about cops.
Exactly how I think.
No-holds-barred, no punches pulled about cops,
(phone ringing) about anything and everything.
Hello, this is Mandrake.
Where are you calling from?
WOMAN: Oh... hello?
I'm calling from Cincinnati.
You want to talk about cops?
Oh... (chuckles)
No, no, I want to talk about, uh...
About what?
Come on, Cincinnati.
Don't waste my time.
Well, yeah, yeah, this...
this thing with no jobs...
"This thing with no jobs"?
It's called unemployment.
Yeah, so what?
W-Well, my husband worked for 24 years in the same job.
Now they laid him off.
What did your husband do for 24 years?
He's a steamfitter.
A steamfitter for 24 years?
I wouldn't be a steamfitter for 24 minutes!
He's lucky he's lost his job.
Go on out and celebrate, why don't you?
Go on out and have yourself a fancy dinner
with French wine and escargot.
Don't worry about the bills.
I'll be paying for it.
Me and the other suckers out there
who have good jobs, who support the welfare system.
Welcome to welfare, lady. Enjoy.
(crying): Oh, I knew I shouldn't have called you.
Then why did you?
A neighbor lady talked me into it.
Neighbor lady?
What, does this neighbor lady run your life for you?
You do everything this neighbor lady tells you to do?
(crying): You can't talk to me like this.
I'm a human being.
Yeah, well, I'm a human being, too, madam.
A human being who's fed up with the human condition!
(phone ringing)
Call me back when you've decided
to do something meaningful
with what's left of your life.
I give up.
(music playing)
ANNOUNCER: You're listening to Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate,
on 970, T-A-L-K.
MANDRAKE: I'm a human being, too.
As much as I don't want to be, I am.
I'm a human being.
(phone ringing)
Hello, this is Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate.
What's your beef?
ANNOUNCER: You're tuned to Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate.
Call 687-TALK.
MAN: We keep spending all this money on weapons,
and pretty soon, you and your family
won't have anything to eat.
I don't have a family anymore,
and I grow my own vegetables, Nebraska.
I take care of myself.
I see what's coming, and I prepare for it.
I don't get caught with my pants down, like you farmers.
We're going to save the farmers,
save the railroads, save the jobs in steel!
I give up.
(line clicks)
Get out of my life.
You're talking to the Devil's Advocate.
MAN: Yeah, Mandrake.
What I really wanted to know...
Where are you calling from, sir?
Yeah, I'm calling from Pittsburgh.
And you're out of work, too, right?
No, I got a job.
I'm on a job right now.
I'm calling from my job.
I'm a watchman.
What is it that you watch?
Listen, I just...
How can you stand it, sir?
What? Watching.
Watching while other people
go through life having it all.
Yeah, I know, but, look...
No "but," sir.
People have it better than you-- much, much better--
and you stand there and watch?
What, are there nothing but losers out there today?
One after another, every call I get... losers!
Who you calling a loser?
What is the world coming to?
Nothing but losers anymore?
You people make me sick.
You have every advantage today.
Electronic, digital, hot-and-cold running lives
with modern science at your fingertips,
and you watch?
Losers!
All of you out there, losers!
Hey, I'll tell you what.
You're the loser in my book, Mandrake.
How do you like that?
A four-dollar-an-hour watchman, and he calls me a loser!
That's right-- I've been listening
to you for a long time, and you've gone real sour.
I'll tell you what.
You're just a working stiff like the rest of us.
Otherwise, how come you sitting there listening to me?
I'm not listening to you; you're listening to me.
The difference is, I can turn you off.
They make you sit there.
You got to sit there and stay on the phone.
Aren't you losing faith, sir?
All that watching you're doing.
Watching the parade go by while your loved ones
have their lungs scalded by spilled chemical gases.
While politicians use your sweat to buy limousines.
While surgeons slice you open unnecessarily
and remove your perfectly good organs.
While your brothers are sliced down in the streets
by cocaine dealers with mansions in Mexico!
Aren't you losing faith?
And after the world kicks you in the teeth all day,
you tune in at night so you can get kicked some more by me?
I give up.
Yeah, it sounds like you did give up, Mandrake.
You used to have some sympathy.
Now it's like you're...
just down on everything.
Down on everything and everyone.
Yes, I give up.
I give up.
I can't stand it anymore!
More red lights and whining voices.
Do you think you have a personal exclusive on tragedy?
My mother di...
My mother died
in a fireball on the side of a mountain
because somebody sold counterfeit lugs
to an airline for a buck-seventy-five apiece.
My father died in a union picket line.
My wife... has been in a coma for three years
because some technician gave her a general anesthetic
too soon after she ate her last supper.
My son was the only passenger killed
when a car full of drunken teenagers
hit a pothole that should have been repaired
by one of you idiots out there
and skidded into a tree!
Yeah... well...
I just called to tell you what I thought.
What you thought?
You mean you actually thought, sir?
Once? More than once?
How many times did you think, sir?
I hope it wasn't too taxing.
You're a louse, Mandrake.
You've turned real sour.
And I ain't gonna tune you in anymore.
This is it for me
and I've been listening to you for a long time.
You call yourself the Devil's Advocate.
Well, you sound more like the Devil himself!
I hope everybody stops listening to you
and I hope people stop calling in!
And you have to just sit there,
wherever you are, and rot till the end of time!
(line clicks, dial tone drones)
They'll never stop listening to me, Watchman.
They can't tune me out!
They're drawn to me!
Drawn like moths to a flame.
I say the things they wish they could say.
The Hyde to these ineffective Jekylls who stay up all night
to hear me speak their minds!
They can't tune me out!
They'll always be there.
Well, it's time for a commercial.
But the engineer seems to be on a break.
That's okay with me.
The sponsors have plenty of money.
And you suckers out there
will buy their worthless products anyway,
commercial or no.
You're talking to the Devil's Advocate.
Where you calling from?
WOMAN (staticky): Hello?
You're on the air.
(staticky): Hel... ?
Hello?
Turn your radio down, ma'am.
How many times must I tell you people
to turn your radio down when you call?
Radio? Oh, no, I don't have a radio.
What's your problem, lady?
Speak up or hang up.
Hang up?
Yes, hang up.
Unless you have something to say, hang up the telephone.
Oh, dear me, no.
The nearest telephone is down at Prichard's store.
People don't have telephones in their homes, Mr. Mandrake.
Not even in 1922.
How are you hearing me?
You do hear me, don't you?
WOMAN (staticky): Oh, yes, I hear you.
How are you managing that, ma'am, without a radio
and without a telephone?
I don't know.
But I am hearing you
and I don't like what I hear.
I don't blame you.
The signal must be terrible.
Tell me, how am I coming in?
On your orthodontia, your corset ribbing,
a hanger you left inside your dress?
I don't understand.
I only understand that you're rude and overbearing
and I felt compelled to speak.
MAN: Hello, Mandrake.
You're on the air, where are you calling from?
Well, uh, I'm in New Mexico.
What the hell do we need a new Mexico for?
The old one is raunchy enough.
I think we should get our boys out of Spanish America.
The man just heard the news.
What's the matter, New Mexico?
Don't you know a good old-fashioned
mountain war's good for the economy?
Ah, President Wilson's a madman
if he thinks this punitive expedition
is gonna do anything for the USA.
I think the whole thing is just a dress rehearsal
for the war in Europe.
What is this, the inmate's night out?
Hello, this is Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate.
Where are you calling from, the Middle Ages?
MAN: I'd like to talk about the concentration camps.
The Nazis... (click)
Hello, this is Mandrake.
WOMAN: You're evil, Mandrake.
What is the date on your newspaper, ma'am?
My newspaper?
Why?
What is the date?
What is today's date?
Are these questions too tough for you?
Why, it's June 17,
nineteen hundred and sixty-seven.
Do you need the time of day? (click)
What is this, a conspiracy?
What, are you loonies out there trying to gang up on me?
They're ganging...
What's going on?
What's going on here?
Hello... hello.
I want an outside line.
WOMAN (recorded): We're sorry...
Hello, hello!
I want an outside line!
These lines are intended for incoming calls only.
(phones ringing)
MAN: Mandrake.
WOMAN: Mandrake.
MAN: Hello.
WOMAN: Hello.
MAN: Hello.
WOMAN: Mandrake... hello, Mandrake.
(Mandrake screams, yells)
MAN: Hello, Mandrake.
Hello?
Mandrake.
(overlapping voices saying "Hello, Mandrake")
(voices stop, phones continue ringing)
Oh, my...
Oh...
DEEP MALE VOICE: Mandrake.
Hello.
Mandrake.
Hello, hello.
(eerie wind whistling)
Mandrake.
(anxious gasp)
I thought you never whined, Mandrake.
I thought you made the best of things, no matter what.
(sinister laughter)
Who...
Who are you?
I'm your boss.
My... boss?
That's right.
Just calling to tell you what a wonderful job
you've done these past 13 years.
"What a wonderful job"?
I couldn't have asked for a better advocate.
Why, you've made more people
turn to me than I could have ever possibly hoped for.
(sinister laughter)
(laughter continues)
I made people turn to you?
(sinister laughter)
Sorry I had to deal you such a rough hand, Mandrake.
Your wife, your kid.
Your mom and dad.
Mom?
Dad?
Listen, I don't blame you for giving up, Mandrake.
Giving up?
I don't blame you at all.
If you hadn't given up, I would have promoted you myself.
Promoted me?
But I didn't have to.
You gave up on your own.
Perfect timing.
I really needed somebody in this new slot.
New... slot?
(Morse code beeping)
Oh... just a moment.
There's a news bulletin coming through.
Sorry, Mandrake,
but we have to interrupt this broadcast for a moment.
(man clearing throat)
REPORTER: Luther Mandrake,
known to radio listeners as the Devil's Advocate,
was found dead tonight behind the wheel
of his Rolls-Royce, in the parking lot
beneath his lavish apartment building
on the city's Nob Hill.
Known for his insulting rhetoric and abrasive style,
Mandrake, hated by so many of his listeners,
is undoubtedly still taking calls,
if not at that Great Switchboard in the Sky,
then down below, where he belongs.
(sinister laughter)
(swing music playing)
(phones ringing)
(phones continue ringing)
(sinister laughter)
Hello, this is Mandrake.
Where are you calling from?
WOMAN: I'm calling from nineteen hundred and forty-seven.
-MAN: I'm calling from 1921. -WOMAN: ...1952...
MANDRAKE: You're talking to the Devil's Advocate.
Where are you calling from, sir?
WOMAN: 1926.
MANDRAKE: This is Mandrake, the Devil's Advocate.
MAN: I'm calling from 1930.
MANDRAKE: One after another, every call I get... losers!
They'll always be there.
You're talking to the Devil's Advocate.
(overlapping voices continue) Listeners.
Callers.
They'll always be there.
Forever...
and ever.
MANDRAKE: I give up.
(Mandrake's and callers' voices overlapping, phones ringing)
(sobbing)
NARRATOR: The dark side is always there.
Waiting for us to enter.
Waiting to enter us.
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.